Salvation Army

Yesterday and today have been very very rough on me. I saw Dr. Williams and we filled out the paperwork for my paid leave. She hugged me and I started crying; I started crying in the waiting room even before I saw the Dr. Of course, I kept it in until she hugged me then I started bawling.

I ran errands the rest of the day then came home to an empty, cold house but at least I have Buddy and Mishka. I did a few things around the house then I took an ambien, a half, which went to my head in no time.

Tuesday, I went to see Dan and I cried and cried but had a good talk. I do need to reach out to people which includes Jayne, Jo, Gary, Cecilia. Cecilia called me last night and asked how I was feeling and I told her sad and she said "why?". Ohhhh that hurt. Because I am a widow and I'm lonely and afraid. She called today and I'm going to her house to watch the football game. We do like to laugh a lot - It's all good.

I'm planning to clean up and get rid of some things that I kept from the old apartment but really need to give away to the Salvation Army.

ALL I CAN THINK OF IS: "...IS THIS ALL THAT YOU HAVE BECOME? JUNK TO BE GIVEN TO THE SALVATION ARMY?"

It breaks my heart to part with this stuff that meant so much to you. It's like I am parting with you or that I am not giving you the proper respect.

I am in so much pain and my heart hurts so much. I miss you so very very much. I just to pray to the Lord that I can continue putting one foot in front of the other. I need to follow my own advise and practice what I've always preached.

I'll get by - crying like a baby - but I'll get by.